THE TRANSFORMATIONS

Transformations are the essence of human life. This is my view. You may not feel very compliant though. The count on tranformations leaves me in the lurch sometimes. How many transformations have I undergone in this short life span? That should be a considerably large number. Some were cyclic, some nonchalant, some a lot bothering. These tranformations were sometimes my choice, and sometimes they were simply triggered by circumstances. But they were huge in number and they have left me where I am today.

Some of them brought happiness, while some snatched away fragments of life itself. I prefer to think of the happy ones, though the others still make frequent visits to haunt me and make this life tougher. To start with, maybe I could choose my pre-school life. That was auld lang syne, when I was in my rudimentary stage, too naughty and uncontrollable or rather impossible (so Mom and Dad say). They would have almost lost their heads thinking up ways as to how to bring up this naughty little bone. But natural transformations worked up their magic potion on me, though not completely, and I was transformed into the quietest girl in that part of the country probably, so much transformed that not even a single day passed without my parents pleading with me to speak up. I had wished a thousand times that I could be that old kid once more, naughty and talkative (minus the unruly), but alas! the transformation had already done enough harm. Since then a lot of people have ended up asking me questions like "why soooo quiet?", " what is stopping you from talking?", and blah blah blah, at several stages and at several junctures of the journey. I did have frequent transformation sessions once in a while through all this (For instance, my closest friends in school and college always knew that I was not the quietest thing on earth after all).

The next major tranformation was, maybe my come back into nearly the same old frequency after I got caught up in my kinda gang at workplace. They have always been the closest friends. They know me well enough, inside out, as if after a SWOT analysis or maybe even better. The best part is that they make me laugh a lot, even at myself for that matter and I simply love to work those muscles long enough. These group of friends again transformed me, I can talk to them for hours on length, and listen, well, I can listen to anyone, not a problem (classhours are exceptions though, particular cogent forces work like sleeping pills in some particular environments). Then to my present life. People are once again asking me why I keep so quiet. I am just taking my time, and waiting for the next great transformation. It always keeps me waiting when I am in need of it, and when I least want it, it resurfaces with a big thud and bang.

That was just the shortest scene in the play. Lot more to it, but time is lacking and I do not want to bore you people describing more of my take on the transformation "purana". So let me go back to my studies now, guess I have had a good break for now.

Oru Kuda Kallante Katha-- The Story of an Umbrella Thief...He He

First the disclaimer: This post targets to make a dig at a friend of mine who is hesitating to return the umbrella that he borrowed from me almost a week back, under the pretext that the rain goddess has gone into sound slumber. This post was basically a challenge he posed. He would not have expected me to be crazy enough to actually make a post on this. Well here goes a small dedication to him. No names will be taken. If anyone makes out the protagonist, well bad luck dear 'kuda kallan'. ;)

It was something that happened this afternoon. I was on my way back from the Faculty block and it was drizzling. I waited at the lounge hoping the rains would subside. But there are limits to the length of time you can invest in such despondent waits. Since there was very little probability of the rain goddess rushing for a noon nap, I decided to venture out into the rains.

I had not walked far, when I saw a funny figure approaching, with his umbrella held so low, as if to cover the face. His face was tucked in safe and secure under the umbrella. The purpose was so conspicuous and the umbrella looked so familiar. It felt as if that was the same umbrella tagged by me. But how could I peep in and check if it was the same 'kuda kallan' ? What if it was not him? I would have paved way for myself getting entangled in some deeply embarrasing moments. So I decided to bury the idea for the time being and paced ahead.

When this umbrella headed figure was within a feet's distance, I noticed his gorgeous 'forty'(I wanted to put sixty, but he being an Electrical Engineer insisted that it was only forty) watt smile. He lifted the hood of the umbrella and smiled such a vulgarly innocent(again he insisted it was innocent, but I disagree) smile, like a bride whose veil had been lifted and went on to say, " It is raining only lightly now. Walk briskly to the mess before it starts pouring down heavily". Such a caring soul! I felt like falling at his feet and taking the yogi to be's blessings, that kind a soul he is. And then he went on even more innocently, " I have the laptop in my bag. Cannot return the umbrella now. Do not worry. I will return it." I could calculate the chances of utterance of those last two sentences even before they were actually spoken by the aspiring yogi, because I was hearing it for the thousandth odd time I guess.

Now when will he return it? Will he ever return it? Anybody interested in calculating probabilities and conditional probabilities, given, he has his exams starting from this Friday and he is too busy with his project submissions until then? Too many conditions being there, this is obviously going to be an arduous task. Anyways you can try. If you get a good chance, do let me know. I can atleast hope to see my umbrella one last time before the season glides by.

And @'kuda kallan', no offenses meant. I just wanted to share a funny incident with my friends here. This was not meant to demean you by any means 'kuda 'kalla'. I actually wish I had a pic of yours in the umbrella headed form. Mera bus chalta toh I would have put down that too over here. I liked your trick, but better return the umbrella, else I will dedicate all my forthcoming posts to you 'kuda kalla'. :D

My First LOve....

I recognized that he was my first love when I parted with him the first time. I realized the depth of our love when I started feeling lonely in my room, only because he was not around. I even miss the silence that often worked wonders for us. When I think of him I can still feel his fingers onto which I clutched on every another moment I was gripped by the slightest feeling of insecurity. I always thought we were so inseparable, but look what time has done, I am miles and miles away from him but still my mind has no space or time for any foreign thoughts. I am all his, completely.

Every time I get back to my room after class I am reminded of him. But what do I do? Sometimes I feel he is least bothered. But then, I know that he loves me more than I love him. But the poor thing always falls short of words while expressing his love. I am sure he misses me more than I miss him, but again he hesitates to tell me how much, or is it because he cannot?

The softness in his glance still lingers in my heart. The warmth of his hug used to keep me warm even through the most harsh of seasons. He cared so much and sometimes I even forgot to acknowledge or even thank him for his steady attention and affection. Still his love was always so unconditional. Sometimes I wonder how I could be so cruel. And today when I know his worth I cannot even tell him how much I miss him, how madly I love him. Why did God choose to separate the two of us, of all his creations. The pangs of separation would have almost killed me.

But God has never been that cruel after all. It was only a day back that I found my second love, a new pink chubby little teddy bear. Though smaller in size than my first one, he gives me equally good company. I am getting adapted to my new teddy bear now. Now for all those people who were expecting the curtains to go down on a mushy love story, and a new one to blossom, I was simply playing around because I had nothing better to do. A thousand thanks for the patient reading. A line below you will find the comments column where you are welcome to vent your deepest aroused emotions. ;)

Breathing Free Again :)

My first set of mid term exams finished today. A week back I was pretty tensed about them, I had absolutely no idea about how they would be. Lo and it is all over and I am once more ready for the classroom toil.

The first thing I did after today's exam was well, grab some snacks. One week of compromise on food had bothered me a lot. He he... Then I went on a long stroll all around the campus. Got to breath some fresh air almost after a long week of struggle and war. It felt good to walk in solitude, all of a sudden. Anyways my Mom down there in Thrissur gave me company. We were discussing over the phone serious stuff that we had missed out on, this week, due to my exam schedules, of course. I think I am updated about almost everything that is happening there now, even better than our Raju in the neighborhood. Well there's no one by the name of Raju in my neighborhood,it is just an imaginary name I frequently used for the 'Use in Sentence' section of Language exams in school.

Hmm...about Mom's company, it feels so good to speak to her for long long hours. Guess she's ma bessssst friend. She never gets bored listening to my trash conversation. In fact she keeps asking me 'What else?' even after my silly prate drains out. Sometimes I wonder how mothers could be so sweet and kind. No matter how bored, she does not ask me to hang up and go to sleep. Or maybe she never gets bored listening to her darling kids. We talked so much today, I got my battery fully recharged, it had drained out almost completely towards the closing ceremony of the mid terms. Her voice felt like music to my ears coz I was in a real joyous mood after the exams. I am sure she was more than happy to hear my happy tone. I did not even notice my strolling speed. It took me just half an hour to go around the whole vast campus today.

And ya another person who gives me similar constant company and calls me daily is my sweet friend Sreedevi. I often end up scolding her for wasting so much money on me. She is the one who updates me on what's happening in Namma Chennai. That is another great relation where ego has played no dirty games ever. We chatter a lot, shout at each other, have funny tiffs once in a while and that is what makes our relation so special. I never think twice before dialing her up, coz I know she would always be ready to listen. When the going gets tough and when you are real far away from home, these closest friends are the greatest solace.

Oh, look where I began and which island have I stopped at now. Again the meandering thoughts, and I have once again strayed away from my topic. Anyways it feels good to put down a few words here. So I am not going to do any editing. For the readers who are pissed off reading my silly posts , 'I am not really very sorry, coz I am here to vent my random thoughts'. But do come back to read my next post and post your worthy comments. ;)

Life in Hell is as Good as in Heaven........

Oh....I am back here after such a long break. My fingertips were itching to come back here and just type something or the other and now I have so much to say, but very little time in hand. Got a class at 2, got to leave in another 15 minutes. But I am determined to make it this time. Okay so let me take out some time to tell you about my new found life and experiences. A gigantic void to be filled in here.

I have spent almost 2 months in IIML by now and the experience has been overwhelmingly gorgeous, great, grand. Every single second promises value addition of real great kind. The surprising fact is that I have changed for the better. I spend less time bathing and eating these days. There was a time when I used to wake up 1.30 hour before my schedule for office. My timetable has changed drastically now, just 30 mins for ablutions. I could not actually believe that the lazy me would ever end up this way. And as for time to feed myself, I am literally stuffing my food at a much faster rate these days and that takes less than 15 minutes, especially in the morning. And believe me people, I do not think of sleeping too often either, neither do I day dream these days because every second seems to have become priceless all of a sudden. So I am already in the process of saving a major part of my life span for better action packed moments in life.

The tranformation has been commendable and the credit goes to the life at IIML. This IIM, they say has the most rigorous curriculum of all. I wish I knew about this before joining. I had converted for another IIM too. He he..And the biggest shock was revealed when we were told that this college is better known as IIM(heLL). The three days of induction said it all and we geared ourselves up for the two years to come.

But this hell after all is not a hell in every sense. Yes it has snatched away my sleep, which is something I have always been really fussy about. But still this beautiful campus has bowled me over completely, swept me off my feet. I was always too proud to have belonged to the God's Own Country. I never thought there could exist greener places in this part of India. The campus is painted in green and the maintainence which goes into it deserves to be praised. The bougainvilleas which line every footpath here spread a rage of colours. I was most surprised to see the blossomed "konna" here which I once believed was Kerala's private property. The peacocks and the foxes in the campus provide no scope of venturing out to explore wildlife. And the variety of insects and creatures available are sure to engage any entomologist. The rains make this place even more beautiful. Drenched in the rain, our IIML gives the sexiest of its looks. ;) And the distinguished architectural brilliance is worthy to grab a very special mention. That is about the beauty of the place concisely.

Let me rush you through the life here, just a quick rush.(I apologize to all those who are waiting to see me make a short post. I do not see that happening now for I have got lots to say and even one post might not suffice. But I will try my best to be as crisp and concise as possible.)This beauty has given me a lot in this short span of time. I have taken to multitasking of real high degrees these days. I am specializing on eating, typing ,reading, speaking on the phone and dressing, all at the same time, and various combinations of the above mentioned and much more. I am frantically trying to manage my time, cash accounts, studies, assignments, case studies, projects, presentations and anything and everything that you can attribute to an IIM curriculum. The financial statements used to drive me crazy in the beginning, when I could make no head or tail of it. The clouds seem to be clearing now and I am starting to feel the enthralling charm of Finance. " I am Loving it" (as they say in the McD advertisement).

The best aspect of the life here is that you never know time fly past. I have stopped feeling homesick since I came here. Thanks to the hectic schedules. You never know when a week begins and ends, primarily because time just flies at unimaginable speeds and secondly because everyday feels like a working day (Saturdays and Sundays being holidays). There is so much to do, I really wish I could beg to God for a couple of hours more. Not to forget, abiding by deadlines, rules and regulations is sacrosanct. The run to meet deadlines is real breathtaking,in the literal sense and otherwise. The satisfaction of accomplishment at the end of the day is anyways worth all the lost breath. I am learning to enjoy every moment of life, no matter how hectic, strenuous or tensed. It makes good stuff to put down on my diary leaf at the end of the day. I am sure I am going to have a gala time in the future glancing back at my life here.

Learning at the IIM was a dream I never thought would be realized. Since it has been realised I want to make the most of it, enjoy it to the utmost and then venture out to pursue the dreams that I have kept aside for now. Know what, that is proof enough to convince you that I have also learnt to prioritize and coorndinate my tasks and even dreams. Guess that many insights should do the job for now.Will be back with more and more as time glides along and permits too.... C ya...

PASSION "rediscovered"

Passion...It is the one strong drive within yourself which can take you places. Passion can work wonders. But the sad part is that there are very few people on this earth who know what they are passionate about and have trended their lives and energy in that direction. I have already lived on this planet for more than 23 years now. But ask me what my passions are, or leave alone the plural, ask me to name atleast one of them. I end up completely conquered. This is one question which has troubled me since a long while and the only real time I tend to think about my passions is only when this question pops up at an interview. There you can never really ask for any time to make the rediscoveries. So the fire gets lit and put off by the very same me at the very same occasion.

I have already put myself through many interviews as a part of the prowl for a job, at school, in office. Way back at school, teachers and friends often asked about the so called "passion in life". One thing I always noticed was that my passions kept transforming and the only conclusion that I could come to after all this was that, I still do not know what I am truly passionate about.

It was recently that we had an online exercise to be done in our workplace, where we were asked to answer to a lengthy questionnaire and they would tell us about our passions. It had to be done fast, so the answers were being generated spontaneously. No extra thinking and second thoughts were being entertained there. My passion score was pretty impressive. The report which was generated towards the end also told me what I am most passionate about. That was when I again got thinking about the passion of my life. Were my passions those that were listed in that machine generated report? I had no answer from my very own head or heart. It seemed they never knew something that even an external machine could manage to hint on.

It has been high time I pricked my senses. Have my passions formed rust under the routine life that I live? Have they stopped being my reasons to move on in life? So many unanswered questions and scores of answers to choose from. I feel like I am in for an objective test paper. I want to rediscover my passions, myself and I am feeling completely lost, like a child lost in the thick woods. I feel like I have been left alone to find my destination through a wild maze. I am scared of the thousand hurdles that I will have to cross to reach there. But I will be myself only once I set off on the prowl. See now, things seem to be getting more lucid. the scare factor is the culprit then.

Now writing this post seems to have worked like some magic potion on me. Suddenly I feel that I have always known my passions but I was always scared about the encounters that I will have to put up in the course of my journey to attain them. I know what I need, but I am simply scared, held back by those thousand inhibitions that are everywhere, in myself, in the society, in the family, in the workplace, in every single nook and corner of this earth. What do you people think of this? Don't you feel the same too? Are'nt these inhibitions holding you back in life? Are these inhibitions so important not to be torn through? Are they so important after all? You have just one short life in hand and your passions are inexhaustible. So, it is time to break the shackles, the fetters and the manacles and move on in life. In the process do not ever forget to care for your near and dear ones. They can fuel your passions like no one else ever could. So I am already on my way......Anyone joining???

A Real Late New Year Blog Entry.......

I know it does not make any sense with me wishing you a Happy New Year at this point of time. But what pains me is the fact that I have not been blogging for a real long while now. Not actually in pain, was pretty busy until now, so was really contented with the busy schedules. We are almost half way through the year 2009 and it is only now that I could put together some good time to indulge in my favorite pastime-BLOGGING. Hope the new year brought everyone loads and loads of goodies. For me it has brought a mixture of goodies and baddies, guess there has been more of goodies this time around. The year began with a great thump. All seemed to be coming my way, some stuff that I had been yearning for since a long while and some that I had never even dreamt of. Upar wala jab bhi detha ,detha chappad phaadke... The first bonanza came with the KSEB interview. That was something I had never really dreamt of having. I give all these exams thinking I would ultimately get to switch my Software job with a more desirable one. Know what conclusion I have come to after working in this vast industry for almost one and a half years now? You have got to be the hard rhino skinned being to grow here. Else you have to have position, and own the power that comes with it. Else you will be pinned down as a hardworking Software Engineer forever and ever and ever. So I am still waiting for the KSEB results. Meanwhile something even more interesting happened to me. The next story is the right pick to be an example of Luck By Chance. The CAT exams were nearing last November, 2008 and there was me, chatting "araam se" with my roommates, with the Agarwal's Aptitude text perched on my lap. This was the scenario in my room a day before the exam and believe me, that was the first time I got to flip through those pages since my college days.I did make frequent glances into the text though. The day before the CAT exam, I was double minded as to whether I should be giving the exam or not. I was that pathetically unprepared for it. But then the guilt of having put in 1600 bucks towards the CAT fund woke me up early in the morning and I did ultimately give the exam. The exam was much more interesting than I had actually expected it to be. That was my first CAT cum first mock CAT cum the real CAT. Anyways the CAT key gave me great expectations, but since I had no estimations regarding the level at which I could expect percentiles, I almost refrained myself from getting too much involved. At last, one Monday morning the results were out. Oh man, I was on cloud 9, trust me. My score card had managed to get me calls from three leading Management institutes in the country, three IIMs. I could not sit upright in my cubicle that day. I kept jumping, was bubbling almost frantically. At last I was actually booking tickets to go for the GD/PIs at Bangalore. Yipppeee.... I must have peeled off the skin from all over my body, pinching to make sure that I was not dreaming all the while. Now, IIM was a big dream of all times. But I had always thought it was an invincible target. And today I am in near reach of my dream. I hope I make through my last rounds too. I am half way through the GD/PIs now. Just one more college to go. The sight of IIM Bangalore almost affected me like wine. I was completely bowled over by the ravishing beauty, the elite of the most elegant. It was such a sweet feeling and so overwhelming. I was in a place that I had actually dreamt of being in at some point of my life. I never knew I would get to go there so soon. I was truly overjoyed. I was actually running around the IIM, prodding every nook and corner of it. I kept wondering whether I would get a chance to be there again. I really hope I get to learn there, if not there, at any of the other IIMs that shortlisted me. So I am keeping my fingers crossed, waiting for the big declaration to be pronounced. As for the other New Year gifts, I started the year being part of one of the sizzling hot-pick projects in my company. But lo!, even before I could rejoice, the music had come to an abrupt standstill. The recession has commenced to take its toll and people are blindly running for their own lives, to save for their bread and butter. And in this process, you might very well get trampled in the stampede, though not fatally. The cost cutting measures were bearable. But the resource releases and lay offs sound rather scary. But there is no stopping these sinisterly haunting effects of recession.Guess our generation is lucky enough to have had a taste of it all. I got released from my 4 months old project today. What were the deciding factors? Power, position, personal interests,dirty politics? It was a mix of all. Well, I am out of the "Who is the more powerful" game anyways, and a free bird once again. Now do you understand why the girl who was damn busy for a couple of months resurfaced with her latest post after a real long intermission??? Hope to make more posts in the coming days....Pooja is free once more and this time around I see no chances of my getting busy any soon. Either the company loses me or I lose the company now. I hope it is not the latter. I hope I get to put in my papers while all is still fine around me. Pray for me fellow bloggers. The IIMs are seducing, no doubt. And like Paul Coelho said in his "The Alchemist", “ when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” So stop looking back people and move ahead in life, realize all your dreams....All the Best to all my friends